Twenty Veterans will commit suicide today or will they?

When in war, we were taught to not dwell upon death…look past it and bury it in your sub-conscious.  Well guess what!  These haunting visions materialize when a veteran least expects them.  Bombarding their psyche with images in living color, intimidating, haunting, and beating them down.

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Yesterday, I saw a movie called, “Hacksaw Ridge” which focused on the battle of Okinawa in WWII and the exploits of Desmond Doss, who received the MOH for personally saving the lives of 75 badly injured soldiers from the battle.  Alone, he sought them out, dressed their wounds and carried them through the battlefield  before lowering them by hand via a rope to waiting troops 350 feet below.  All while avoiding the Japanese who were checking bodies and killing those soldiers still alive.

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Desmond Doss was a medic and one of the first recognized Conscientious Objectors to participate in a major battle.  While growing up, his father, a WWI veteran, was routinely drunk and beat his wife and two boys.  There were scenes in a cemetery where he toasted those close friends who were killed in the war.  Clearly, he was suffering from PTSD and survivors guilt, but this ailment would not be recognized for decades to come and treatment at that time was to do whatever was necessary to forget.  On one occasion, his father had a handgun when fighting his wife.  Desmond intervened and disarmed his drunken father, who in turn, begged his son to shoot him and end his life.  When both sons joined the Army to fight in the war, their father chastised them, trying to warn them about the gruesomeness of war and how it will change them.  But they didn’t listen!

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Private Doss lost friends during the battle but saved many others – many with horrendous and devastating wounds.  How did he cope in the years afterward?  He remained married to the same woman, raised a family, had grand-children, and later died in 2006 of old age.

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In many cases, and without help or support, veterans are turning to suicide to escape their demons.  PTSD is a recognized disease and help is readily available, but veterans are continuing to end their lives – at a rate of 20 per day.

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Here is one veteran’s undated story from “The Veteran’s Site”, a community that supports our veterans, our troops, and one another.

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I encourage sharing my testimony with as many media outlets as humanly possible, because the word has to get out that the Men and Women who have or are protecting our way of life are truly hurting and need help now NOT tomorrow, because for 22 veterans it will be too late.

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I knew my Non-Commissioned Officer in Charge (NCOIC) would call my house once I did not report for duty and would eventually drive to my house to check on me. Once he arrived at my residence, he would find my front door wide open and hear the very loud music I had playing in an attempt to drown out the gun shot. I was certain he would (NOT my children) find my lifeless body lying in a pool of blood with my face blown off. Everything was going as planned on that fateful day, I kissed my children goodbye for what I thought would be the last time. Tears ran uncontrollably down my face which did not overly concern my kids, because they were growing cold to all the drama and turmoil a divorce inflicts on a family. I remember watching them both walk down the street until they eventually disappeared from sight. The feelings I was experiencing at that exact moment was immense shame, guilt, hurt, and a haunting loneliness. I remember walking away from the front door and heading downstairs in a complete haze. I cranked the volume up on my Kenwood system and then entered the guest bedroom. I remember loading my shotgun chamber and inserting the barrel into my mouth. I began shaking uncontrollably and just when I was about to pull the trigger I heard a very loud voice shouting “WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?” I looked up and saw my neighbor running frantically in my direction. I dropped my shotgun at that exact moment and began to cry as my neighbor wrapped his arms around my trembling body. I had never been so ashamed and embarrassed in my life. I really cannot explain what happened to my thought process during that ordeal but I realized I wanted to live and not die. I called my NCOIC and told him I needed help, so he immediately made arrangements with the base hospital that same day for me to get some much needed professional help.

I am not going to lie to you and say it was an easy recovery, because it was not. It was instead a very long and at times painful process, but once I was able to regain my self confidence and dignity there was no mountain high enough to stop my conquest to succeed in life. Thankfully once recovered, no matter how hard times became in my life, I never experienced that gloom, doom and fearful feeling again. Over the course of the past twenty years, I have achieved a level of success both personally and professionally that at one time in my life I only dreamed of. I eventually found love again and have four healthy loving children and to date have been blessed with three wonderful grandchildren. I am a retired Air Force Veteran, Author, Cross Domain Solutions Analyst, and Speaker who tries his absolute best to help others.

Reflecting back, if my neighbor did not walk in on me at that exact moment in my life, I would have been remembered as a troubled Air Force airman who left behind two innocent children by committing suicide. I would have missed out on so many wonderful moments in my life. Please believe me when I say there is not a day that goes by that I do not thank the LORD for sparing my life on that dreaded day back in 1996. I am asking you now my beloved Brother and Sister, to reconsider your decision to end your life and instead join me with helping others like us who so desperately need a fresh start in life.

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